So. Metal Gear Solid V guys. I have personally never played any of the games, it’s not really my thing, but when creator Hideo Kojima recently revealed a new character for the series, named Quiet, well of course something had to be said. So, her name is Quiet, she is a female sniper, and this is what she wears. Kojima of course came under fire for this, especially after stating on Twitter that the reason she is dressed this way is so that female cosplayers will want to dress up as her (???). It should also be noted that while she is a sniper of some renown, the reason that her name is Quiet is because she is literally mute. Which I don’t even need to get into why that is problematic, because Jesus H. Christ. It’s really almost too ridiculous and cliche to even be mad about. But that isn’t even the most ridiculous part of the story. The ridiculous part came a couple days later, when Kojima tweeted this:
(Cont) But once you recognize the secret reason for her exposure, you will feel ashamed of your words & deeds.
— HIDEO_KOJIMA (@HIDEO_KOJIMA_EN) September 7, 2013
My reaction was naturally, laughter. What on Earth could her backstory be that could justify wearing only a bikini and ripped tights?! (The ripped tights are the part that really get me. Like, why? Why bother? Why would you do that? Also those things need to be thrown out). And then of course, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what this backstory could possibly be. I thought about it so much that I came up with an entire list. And here is that list.
- She was once almost smothered to death by a pile of laundry, and has had a debilitating phobia of clothing ever since.
- She has a skin condition where she breaks out in welts if too much fabric touches her skin. Under that bikini? All giant pus sores. It’s really kind of revolting.
- She is allergic to pretty much all clothing fabrics, both natural and man-made.
- She has a massive brain tumour that causes her to think she’s wearing more clothing than she is.
- Her family was killed by a crazed tailor/fashion designer.
- Her dead parents were bikini designers, and she is wearing their last design. She has not taken it off since she was 6. She’s pretty happy that she fills it out properly now.
- She was locked in a basement by a pervy old man until she was 16, and he taught her that this is how women dress. (OK, that one is probably too dark).
- She was raised on a nudist colony and is still not used to wearing clothing.
- She derives all her power through direct sunlight and has to have as much skin showing as possible in order to snipe people accurately.
- She was raised by gorillas who did not know what clothing is but did know what sniper rifles were.
- She just really, really likes swimming guys. And she doesn’t like silly things like T-shirts to get in the way of taking a dip at every given opportunity. In fact, Quiet randomly wandering off to go swimming will be a game mechanic in MGSV, and it will be super annoying.
- The saleswomen at every single store everywhere just irrationally hate her, and since she can’t talk, they dress her up in whatever they feel like, and she can do nothing about it.
- She has no time to read style blogs, so she just has no idea how to dress herself. She’s got sniping to do! She has no time for ~*FASHION*~
- She is really prone to yeast infections. So prone that wearing pants at all creates a damp, yeasty funfest, and she physically cannot wear them. She could bake bread down there, y’all.